Practice Makes Perfect

Practicing the Disciplines

2007-01-15T08:20:00.000-05:00

There will not be a Spiritual Disciplines small group this semester. Instead, I will be co-leading NCC's Journey with 2 other people. Journey is about learning how to be in relationship with Father, Son and Holy Spirit and with one another. It teaches what it is to be a seeker, a learner, an influencer and an investor. Really, it's about practicing the disciplines and how they relate to God and to one anothers. Journey is not so much linear as it is circular. By circular, I mean that we should be practicing each of the dimensions at the same time which, I must admit is a challenge for me, but I am trying to now learn how to teach to learn, which is something God told me last year. Before, I would teach to know and all I had was a bunch of head knowledge, but now, by teaching to learn, hopefully, I will be able to see the application and obey by doing what I am learning.

Anyway, we will attempt to help others to see the need to be a seeker, a learner, an influencer and an investor. I'm hoping we will be able to wet their appetites to want to began this Journey of intimate relationship with God and one anothers!

I, actually, believe, that each of these dimensions builds on the others and the more we can become a learner, the easier it will be to be a seeker...the more we practice being an influencer, the better learner we will become...the more we give...the more opportunity we will have to influence others and circumstance around us. And that is the circular aspect of these dimensions.

I'm doing the learner part of Journey. Which truly, fits in with my Spiritual Goals for this year. They are:

1. Read the whole Bible
2. Learn how to meditate on key Scripture
3. Memorize big chunks of Scripture
4. Study certain characters in the Bible
5. Begin to learn Hebrew so that I can study Scripture with greater
understanding.

Tonight, I've begun to study Joshua and I have some observations:

God told Joshua that He would be with him whereever he went. God, also, told him at least 2 times to be strong and courageous. I'm wondering if Joshua felt like his mentor, Moses, when God told him what He wanted him to do. I wonder if that's why God encouraged Joshua to be strong and courageous and told him that He would be with him whereever he went...that no one would be able to stand up against him. God, also, instructs Joshua to be careful to do everythng my servant Moses taught you. He commanded him to meditate on the Book of the Law night and day so that he would be successful. This is what I'm going to be doing. I've made a commitment to not to watch any TV in the evenings for I don't know how long, I guess until God says that it's okay for me to watch again. I'll study in the evenings and read the Bible in the mornings. At lunch time, I will meditate on what I've read and studied.

I've got this Scripture stuck in my heart; Jesus said that if I seek His Kingdom and all of His righteousness first, then everything else will be added to me. God told Joshua that if he would meditate on the Book of the Law day and night, then he would have success. So, I'm going to try it and see if His Word still is true even today. The real challenge will be to apply what I'm learning daily and to be obedient to what God tells me to do.

I think the next person I'm going to study will be Noah. I'm approaching this from a whole new perspective...not as though I already know what the outcome of their stories are but trying to put myself in their shoes because they didn't really know what was going to happen. I'm trying to imagine what it would have been like for them to be told by this Creator God to follow without knowing where they are going. Were they afraid? How did they feel when others ridiculed them and called them foolish? These are just a couple of questions I will ask and try to feel out.

I'm going to try to study a new person each month.

I will post what I learn and how it's going as I go along.

Silence & Lectio Divina

2006-09-20T07:29:00.000-04:00

In our spiritual disciplines small group this week, we were asked to pick up a folded piece of paper that was on the table. Each piece of paper had a scripture on it and we are to practice silence and lectio divina with this scripture this week. My Scripture is Exodus 34:21: Six days you shall labor, but on the seventh day you shall rest; even during the plowing season and harvest you must rest.

The word that stood out for me is rest. To me that word means that I need to stop all of my trying and all of my striving. Striving and working to control and to be in control by hiding and running; ducking and avoiding me. It means that I'm to bring all of these works to Jesus and lay them at His feet and simply rest in Him, in His presence. I just had a thought about the root cause of my striving, working; it is fear! Fear that God won't help me. Fear that God will reject me. Fear!!! I need to bring my fear with me, that's the culprit that's making me work so hard.

I'm reading this book titled Lose It For Life, by Stephen Arterburn and Dr. Linda Mintle. I was reading it this morning on the Metro when I received confirmation about this rest I'm to enter into. This book is about losing weight for life, not just through dieting, but through surrender.

Dr. Mintle speaks about a time in her life where she couldn't give up control in her life. Her brother had been killed and she falsely thought that God couldn't be trusted because He didn't protect her family and prevent this tragedy. Because of fear she thought that she would be hurt. . . .by her husband. . . .by God if she submitted to either one of them. She says, . . .both had the potential to hurt me. My belief wasn't based on any reality--I just wasn't about to give control to anyone for fear of being hurt. She was disappointed with God and thought she could prevent bad things. She talks about being able to release ourselves from self-effort and striving. Of surrendering and acknowledging that God is in control and I'm not.

The book, also, talks about grace. It says that when I fail, Grace says, Not to worry. I am with you and we can start afresh. Lean on me, not on your own strength. I am strong when you are weak. I have a plan and purpose for your life that I'm dying to reveal.

The book talks about Grace's reputation and how Grace has an astounding ability to see sin, not excuse it, but love anyway. Grace hangs out with the failed, the most desperate and the most defeated. Grace walks along, holding their hands and pours out healing salve, mercy and hope. Grace is shocking in the way He upholds the unlovely. When I read this, I thought about the scriptures in James 4:6-10 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. (NIV) and in 1 Pet 5:5-7, Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (NIV) .

Pride says, I'm in control even though, I'm in pain. Fear gives us a false sense of pride and of being in control. This is what God opposes. Jesus invites us to, Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy burdened and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28. He is giving us an invitation to cease from the striving, the self-effort, the wanting to be in control, that fear and pride brings about and He is inviting us to rest in Him alone. He tells us to Take my yoke upon you and learn of me for I am meek and lowly in heart and ye shall find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:29-30.

I believe the principles of this book are valuable and can be applied in other areas of life as well!

By the way, this, also, goes along with my Pastor's sermon on Sunday. He spoke about Nebuchanezzar and how he thought he had to control everyone and everything. Hey, I'm beginning to see a pattern, here. So yes, I'm going to take Jesus up onHis invitation to cease from my work and to enter His rest!

Silence & Lection Divina

2006-09-20T07:07:00.000-04:00

We are practicing Silence and Lectio Divina this week. We each have a passage of Scripture that we are supposed to practice with.

Lectio Divina is a way of meditating on God's word. Before you begin to read, you should close your eyes for a few minutes and know that God is with you in this place. Then You read the Scripture a few times. The first time you read it, you allow God to speak a word or a phrase from that scripture to your heart and soul. Then you become silent for a few moments, waiting for it to search you.

You read it a second time, asking "how does this word/phrase affect my life today?" or you try and put yourself within the scriptures if it is a story and ask yourself, where do I fit in this story?".

You then read it a third time and afterwards, asking if God is inviting you to be something, do something, etc. Ask yourself, "what should my response be?" Become silent again waiting for your heart's deepest response, cry, desire, prayer. Let that response be carried to God in your silence.

Romans 8:26 & 27 says, Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.(KJV)

The next part of Lectio Divina is to simply rest in God and who He is, not striving, not controlling, but just rest with a silent knowing that God is with you whether you feel Him or not and that He has, indeed, heard your deepest heartcry. This is intimacy with God!

Practice Makes Perfect

2006-09-13T11:10:00.000-04:00

This is my first blog in several months. We are back, up and running again!

We began a new semester this week, with a new name: Practice Makes Perfect. We, also, have a few newcomers, as well!

I'm hoping this blog will be a place where we can keep in touch during the week to tell about how our practice of the disciplines is going or not going and where we may be a help guide to others who would like to comment and/or tag along with our practices of the spiritual disciplines.

We began with solitude Monday night and have a homework assignment this week. We are to spend 3 hours each evening without the TV; radio, and other people, if possible. While in solitude, we are to try to spend some if not most of that time in being with God. Hopefully, we will be able to blog about it soon! So, stay tune!

Prayer & Confession

2006-04-04T11:37:00.000-04:00

We started the spiritual discipline of Prayer & Confession a couple of weeks ago. We continued with John Ortberg's video curriculum, The Life You've Always Wanted. It was very key in that he talked about what prayer is and what it is for. He said that we are to pray to develop our relationship with God. I've never thought about prayer that way before. Most of us pray whenever we need or desire something from God; to say thank you or to praise him. Now whenever I pray, I'm going to try and be more focused on developing my relationship with God instead of just getting an answer from him.

This week, Rachel Lunde from our Prayer Ministry came and taught us about prayer. She gave us an acronym to use:
Praise
Repent
Ask (pray for others)
You (pray for yourself).

We did an interesting exercise to open up. Rachel had some yarn and she told us to pass the yar to another person of our choice and to either pray for or give words of thanksgiving for that person. As we handed the yarn to that person, we were to hold on to some of it. At the end of that exercise, we had spun what looked like a spider's web. It showed how our prayers weave together and cross each other. We really are linked together through our prayers.

Rachel had us do another exercise. She had brought a newspaper and she had us each take a section and look through it and then had us pray for something or someone we read about or something that we thought about while reading about something. That was interesting because it helped me to see that I shouldn't just be reading the news or even looking at the news just to be looking at it. I should always be ready to pray for something...for someone...for a situation or circumstance. The last thing Rachel had us to do was to commit to praying daily for at least one person for a week. This has been difficult for me to do, because I'm not sure what to pray for, and I ten to think I know when I really don't. So, I have dropped the ball, but I will pick it back up again. It's really my patience or lack thereof...I don't want to wait to hear, I want to know or at least think that I know what to pray for; and this is a form of pride. So, I'm confessing that I am prideful and I am repenting and turning away from pride and back to God and waiting for Him to help me to pray.

Onto Prayer & Confession

2006-03-23T10:09:00.000-05:00

Well, we completed the discipline of Silence and Solitude last Monday! I will have Heather post some of what was discussed and try to get the group to post some of their thoughts about this discipline. Hopefully, we will continue to practice it in our pursuit of a closer relationship with God.

The next disciplines we will learn about is Prayer & Confession. We will begin by viewing The Life You've Always Wanted video curriculum. I will try to post some of the questions from our Participant's Guide next week. After we look at the video, someone (Drum Roll, Please!), from our prayer ministry, will come and teach us about prayer. And THEN (Another Drum Roll, Please!), our Pastor of Discipline, Heather Zempel, will come and teach us about something she calls Idea Prayer. Then (A Final Drum Roll, Please!), Giny Fouda will take over and teach us some more about prayer! We are trying to spend at least 4-6 weeks on each discipline. This might seem a bit much, but it really isn't because we only meet every other week, so we have a week in between to practice.

Exciting times are ahead! Stay tuned!

Dee Dah Daze

2006-03-16T14:04:00.000-05:00

For our homework, we are supposed to plan to have a Dee Dah day which is a day of celebration and joy. Well, I have had a couple of them, so far. The first day being this past Saturday...I got my Professional Food Manager Certificate in the mail! This is significant because we, also, had our inauguaral Worship Services on Saturday at Ebenezers Coffeehouse. Ebenezers means: Hitherto hath the Lord helped us (1 Samuel 7:12). I had my own Ebenezer moment on Saturday. I built an Ebenezer altar that evening at our worship service. . .an altar of thanksgiving and of praise for God's faithfulness to me and to NCC!

My second Dee Dah day was on Monday when I baked 4 cheesecakes at Ebenezers for Ebenezers. I don't know why, but whenever I bake, I just have so much peace; so much joy!!! I am so thankful I had the chance to bake at Ebenezers. I was extremely pooped, but very thankful! I really feel as though I have a share in Ebenezers...I'm no longer on the outside looking in...I am on the inside with everyone else, mixing it up, groovin', partying, celebrating! And it is ALL GOOD!!!

I'm beginning to see why Psalm 57:9-10 says, I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. (NIV)

Oswald on Joy

2006-03-10T16:18:00.000-05:00

I read Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest" as my devotional. This was the devotion on Tuesday...the day after our discussion on JOY!

UNDAUNTED RADIANCE
"Nay, in all these things, we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us." Romans 8:37
Paul is speaking of the things that might seem likely to separate or wedge in between the saint and the love of God; but the remarkable thing is that nothing can wedge in between the love of God and the saint. These things can and do come in between the devotional exercises of the soul and God and separate individual life from God; but none of them is able to wedge in between the love of God and the soul of the saint. The bedrock of our Christian faith is the unmerited, fathomless marvel of the love of God exhibited on the Cross of Calvary, a love we never can and never shall merit. Paul says this is the reason we are more than conquerors in all these things, super-victors, with a joy we would not have but for the very things which look as if they are going to overwhelm us.
The surf that distresses the ordinary swimmer produces in the surf-rider the super-joy of going clean through it. Apply that to our own circumstances, these very things - tribulation, distress, persecution, produce in us the super-joy; they are not things to fight. We are more than conquerors through Him in all these things, not in spite of them, but in the midst of them. The saint never knows the joy of the Lord in spite of tribulation, but because of it - "I am exceeding joyful in all our tribulation," says Paul.
Undaunted radiance is not built on anything passing, but on the love of God that nothing can alter. The experiences of life, terrible or monotonous, are impotent to touch the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Homework Assignment

2006-03-06T09:32:00.000-05:00

For our homework, we had to do the Large Group Exploration on Pages 38-40 in The Life You've Always Wanted Participant's Guide. Below are the questions from that homework. I will try to get our group to post some of their answers.

The Life You’ve Always Wanted Participant’s Guide, by John Ortberg

Large Group Exploration

God Wants Us to Mirror His Joy

G. K. Chesterton wrote about his children having such “abounding vitality” that they want to do, see, or hear the same things again and again and again. Although the monotony of repetition nearly kills grown-ups; it thrills children. And Chesterton thinks it is possible that, like a child, God exults in monotony. He writes in Orthodoxy:

It is possible that God says every morning, “Do it again” to the sun and every evening, “Do it again” to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy: for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.

In other words, many of us live as the joy-impaired children of a joy-infused God! So let’s see what God has to say about joy and how he wants it to influence our lives.

1. In Genesis 1, we read a day-by-day account of God’s creation of the universe.

a. What pattern is repeated throughout the process of creation, and what does it reveal about God? (See Genesis 1:3-5, 9-12, 14-18, 20-21, 24-25, 31.)

b. What other indications of God’s pleasure and joy do we see in Genesis 1? (Note especially verses 22, 27-28.)

2. In The Life You’ve Always Wanted, John Ortberg describes Jesus as the “Joy-bringer.” What did Jesus bring, and what does it have to do with joy? (See Matthew 4:23; 1 Peter 1:8-9.)

3. Toward the end of his life on earth, Jesus prepared himself and his followers for his departure. What was his specific desire and concern for his followers? (See John 15:9-11;
17:1, 13.)

4. When are we to express joy and why is it so important? (See Philippians 4:4: 1 Thessalonians
5:16-18.)

5. When the exiles returned to Israel, they focused on obeying God’s law. As they began to understand God’s law, they grieved over their sinfulness, but God commanded them to celebrate what he had done. What did the people do, and what was the result? (See Nehemiah 8:9-12, 17.)

6. What can God’s people look forward to in eternity? (See Isaiah 35:9-10.)

Rough Week

2006-02-27T09:39:00.000-05:00

This has past week has been rough for me. It has been difficult to bring my focus onto Christ during my practice of silence and solitude times. Not completely sure why that is. I have at least one idea and that is that Living Waters (LW) along with Pastor Mark's series on Define The Relationship (DTR) are stirring up some issues within me. Relationship issues. I guess this is a good thing, even though, it may not feel good! I've had to really buckle down and work at quieting my soul. It's not always this difficult, but, there are these times when it is.

The things that are being stirred up in me is the desire for relationship, authentic romantic relationship with a man and authentic friendships with women and with other men. I think I'm on my way with having a couple of authentic friendships with women and maybe even one or two with men, but, it's really hard to tell, because, I've never really had any relationships like this before and I'm not sure what they are supposed to look like and because, I don't get to spend a lot of time with these people.

Oh, and I'm waiting on the romantic relationship. I have to see what to do about the husband that I already have. Therefore, I have requested a counseling session with the leaders of our married couples, Paul and Colleen to discuss my situation with my husband and get some advice on what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. Even if the situation with my husband didn't exist, I would still wait because not waiting for God caused me to be in this situation in the first place! Thist is a very broken place to be in, not waiting for God, that is. . .wanting to escape from one situation (Mine was same-sex attractions, what's yours?). . .thinking that getting married is the answer. Well, I found out that it's not. There is only one answer to escaping from anything. . .Jesus is that Answer! That's why, during silence & solitude times, I buckle down and really quiet my soul. This helps me to slow down and give up my neediness and it helps me to do something that I have always had trouble doing. . . .it helps me to receive. . . . peace, love, joy, hope, and patience.

How's the S L O W I N G going?

2006-02-24T10:49:00.000-05:00

Two weeks ago I shared with our small group that I was invoking "The 5 Minute Parking Rule" where I committed to practicing 5 minutes of slowing - silence and solitude before I got out of my car. It has been a journey and has made me late to a lunch date and has forced me to postpone a vanilla latte retrieval, but it has also been one of the greatest tools to help me slow down and create space to listen to God.

I have also been doing a "Radio Fast". This means no noise while I am driving - just quiet time for prayer and reflection. This fast has been a particular challenge this week since my car muffler has been screeeeeeching and acting out - going out and eventually bottomed out! Believe it or not, my awareness of the muffler noise has caused the silence to be so much louder in my life. So much more present. And I have become more still and more able to realize that God is God.

As we journey together to practice the Dual Disciplines of Silence & Solitude, it is important to remember why we do it and to understand its value in our lives. Here is a re-cap on last Monday's study.....

Reasons for Solitude & Silence

* To follow the example of Jesus - Matthew 14:23, Mark 1:35, Luke 4:42, Psalm 62:1, Isaiah 30:15

* To hear the voice of God better - I Kings 19:11-13 and Habakkuk 2:1

* To express worship to God - Habakkuk 2:20, Zephaniah 1:7

* To express faith in God - Psalm 62

* To seek the salvation of the Lord - Lamentations 3:25-28

* To be physically and spiritually restored - Mark 6:31

* To see the will of God - Luke 6:12-13

* To learn control of the tongue - Proverbs 17:27-28, Ecclesiastes 3:7b, James 1:19

I am convinced that distraction via noise is one of the devil's greatest tools to preventing us from growing closer to God. I also believe that silence & solitude are key to the other spiritual disciplines. You can't effectively read your Bible, pray or meditate without clearing out the clutter of noise.

So, as you take your mini retreat, turn off your television, practice some centering prayer and strive to be still, I pray that you would encounter the God who wants to touch our hearts and grow us if we will just be still enough to let him go to work. Psalm 4:4 - Search your hearts and be silent.

Thanks for joining the journey! It's a much better ride with all of you. See you next time.

Blessings,
Heather

A New and Different Kind Of Intensity

2006-02-24T10:29:00.000-05:00

I wrote a post last week on the Spiritual Disciplines blog about being in the Living Waters program. Last night, our meeting was about the True Feminine. It was another intense night! After worship and a teaching, we went into small group. When it came to my time to share, I shared that I had a real problem. On Tuesday, this guy who rides on the metro bus with me, asked "when are we going to lunch?" I said, I don't know. He told me he would give me his card the next day. I said, "Okay". I forgot that I was going to be off the next day. I haven't seen him, yet, because yesterday (Thursday), I came to work late. I was also late today. Usually on Fridays I get in a little later because I am out late at Living Waters. Monday is my off day. Anyway, I, also, shared with my small group that I was still married, although I have been separated from my husband for around 10 years. I intend to file for divorce this year...I used to say that I didn't have the money to file in previous years, while that may be somewhat true, that has really been a convenient excuse for me. I have really been afraid of being in a relationship with a man...any man. I did tell them that I, now, have a desire to be married again. That is a very new desire for me...I don't quite know what to do with it. My pastor is doing a series relationships, "Define The Relationship (DTR)". I guess, that may have been a catalyst for this desire, as well.Well, back to last night. My facilitators, recommended that I talk with my pastor about my situation. I've been thinking about that. I, also, realized that I needed to forgive my husband for his failures or what I perceive are his failures in our marriage. I won't go into details about my husband's issues because they are his issues. I will say this, though, last night I saw my husband in a different light. I saw how his brokenness had affected me and my brokenness. I could put a name to it and understand how his brokenness had happened, knowing what I know about him. That helped me to be able to forgive him and to release him from a debt that I thought he owed me.I have to admit, since last night, I have been going back and forth in my mind about whether or not my pastor will tell me that I need to try to make the marriage work. Truthfully, this isn't what I want to do! I'm trying not to get ahead of God in this thing, but it has always been difficult for me to let go of stuff. I really don't know how to do that, yet. I don't know why, but, I have always tried to picture the scenes in my mind be and play them out before I get there. I have had the conversation (in my head) with my Pastor about my husband and me. I am finding that the more I do this, the more tormented I am about it. I don't know why I do it though.Maybe it's a control thing. . .maybe it's a trust issue. I'm not sure. But, I know that I'm going to have to stop being in my head and just present this to God, first and then to my Pastor and try to be present in the moment when I talk with God and with my pastor.

Silence & Solitude

2006-02-23T07:02:00.000-05:00

We began practicing the discipline of silence and solitude this week! We learned what this discipline is. It is the intentional quieting of our souls (mind, will, and emotions) to listen and or to just sit in God's presence. We began with a teaching by Heather, who will be posting it soon. Then Heather walked us through an exercise of silence & solitude. We were silent for around 10 minutes. Heather asked us to continue to practice this discipline of silence and solitude during the next week and a half. I would like to encourage everyone to post their thoughts, comments on what they are experiencing, any difficulties focusing, etc.

Confessions...Coming Out

2006-02-17T07:12:00.000-05:00

Diana Ross used to sing a song called "I am coming out!" Well, today, is my coming out day. . . .well. . . .sort of.

I was going to wait until the group reached the Spiritual Discipline of "Confessing", but, something is happening on the inside of me and if I don't write about it now, I may not be able to capture the fullness of my memory later.

Okay, Pat, take a deep breath! Here goes!

I have been attending a class on Thursday nights and some Saturdays, called "Living Waters". It is really a program (for lack of a better word), that helps me and others to deal with sexual and relational issues. It is helping me to change my perspective about God and thereby change my perspective about me and others. This is a 32 week course. It began in September and goes through the end of May.

In case, you're wondering why I'm there, I have had some MAJOR dysfunctions in my childhood. No, I'm not bashing my parents, I realize that at some point I am responsible for getting and staying free; I'm learning how to ask for and receive help in areas that are known and unknown to me. Areas that are black and white and even grey. It is a process, a long, hard, and tedious process with many levels and layers, sometimes. But, I have a gentle Shepherd who is guiding me in patience, in grace, in mercy, and in love. (In my quiet time, I usually end it by quoting the Psalm 23. Lately, I haven't been able to remember past the 2nd or 3rd verses: it says, "The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. He leadeth me beside the still water.) and I have wondered why. maybe God wants me to really know that He is my Shepherd and that He is really leading me.

Back to the dysfunctions...everyone has them...we tend to display them according to our dispositions and make up, though. Some of mine have been, self-hatred, rejection, depression, same-sex attraction, pornography, thoughts of suicide, misogny and misandry. All of these are the fruits from my family roots and my "bad intelligence" which is another way of saying choosing to have wrong perspectives. Living Waters is helping me to deal with the fruits from the roots. The very real and true way of helping me to deal with my roots has been to get me to place them at the feet of Jesus on the cross.

A couple of weeks ago we dealt with forgiveness. It was really intense! I discovered that I had issues about belonging that I didn't even know about. It explained a lot about a letter that I had written. One of our homework assignments (yes, that's right, we have homework!) was to write a letter to my mother, a letter to my father, and a letter to me from God. The letter from God, I believe was written by me, through the Holy Spirit. Here is what God wrote to me:

Dear Pat,

I love you so much! I wish you could have seen my face when you were born. I was all teeth and smiles and grins! I was so happy and filled with so much joy because you were born. I sang a love song to you the day that you were born so that you would know that I love you with an everlasting love. I created that love song just for you and I have never sung it to or for anyone else but you! You BELONG to me, Little One! You FIT in MY HAND and in MY HEART. I think about you all of the time for you are very special to me.

I am very sorry that you were hurt by James, I hurt when I saw what he did to you. I cried for you each time you were hurt by him and by others. I know that you don't understand why I allowed those things to happen to you, and you may never understand it, but know and understand this, Dear Heart, I can take away your pain and I can heal your wounded heart and soul. Not only can I do these things, it is my heart's desire to do them for you. I know you have a hard time trusting people and trusting me, but I want you to know that I can be trusted even when others let you down, especially when others let you down. I am always for you and never against you. I will always want you and I will never reject you. You are mine, Pat, I have called you mine. I have accepted you in my beloved. You don't have to hide from me, just hide in me, let me cover you with my wings. I won't always protect you from every hurt, but I will always be there with you, feeling your hurt, your pain. I will always be there to listen when you call, to comfort when you cry. I will be your strength when you feel you can go no further. I will be your love when you feel you are loveless. I can love the hurt away if you will only let me. I can help you. . . teach you how to be vulnerable, open, and transparent. Just keep your eyes on me. Learn to trust in me with all of your heart, all of your soul, and all of your strength, and you will learn. And don't be in such a rush, a hurry, this will take time for you to learn to do, I am very patient and forbearing towards you, Little One, and forgiving, too!

You are already a victorious warrior. Just keep THAT in mind, Beloved. I have already MADE YOU MY VICTORIOUS WARRIOR, that is who you are! Whenever Satan or your feelings try tell you that you don't belong. . . that you don't fit in. . .that you don't know who you are, just re-member. . . .You BELONG to ME! You FIT in MY HAND and in MY HEART! You are MY VICTORIOUS WARRIOR!!! Whenever you are in doubt, re-member, I LOVE YOU! YOU ARE PRECIOUS TO ME, Little One!

Your Father and Your Friend, God

(What is especially significant about this letter is that after it was written, the next week at Living Waters, one of the facillitators prayed for me and was speaking words from Father God to me and used the the term "Little One" as she spoke to me. She had not read my letter, neither had I told anyone about what I had written...A-MAZING!!!)

This letter was written at least 8 or 9 weeks ago. When we met a couple of Saturdays ago, for the "Forgiveness Saturday", it was extremely powerful. I found that I had never thought that I belonged to anyone, I remembered that I had wanted to belong to my daddy so much that when he was away on military duty, I wrote to him asking him to adopt me (this was my step-father). He wrote me back, saying that he wanted to, but my natural father would not give his permission. This must have wounded me more that I realized because I had issues of needing to belong to someone and I wasn't even aware of this! I just wept and wept that day, what seemed to be an ocean full of tears. Even now, as I write this, tears are coming to my eyes. As you can see in my letter from God, God has told me that I belong to Him! It's like I had an epiphany that Saturday and I understood why the Holy Spirit had guided my hand to write that letter.

Well...last night, we dealt with misogny and misandry. Misogny is the hatred and devaluation of women and misandry is the hatred and devaluation of men. It was an intense, yet powerful evening! And once again, I wept, because I had hated and devalued both women and men. I wept for rejecting my femininity so long ago...I wept for not being able to trust men, I wept for not being able to trust God.

During the Living Waters meeting, the leaders washed our feet! That was a totally power-filled event! It was the first time that I had ever had my feet washed. It reminded me of how Jesus washed his disciples' feet and I felt as though my feet being washed was representative of my shame being washed away. I felt totally accepted as the beloved of Christ. It was so cool!

I, also learned some key things about myself that I never knew, last night. They were: I hated the feminine part of me that needed to receive from God. (To this day, I have trouble receiving love, forgiveness, gifts, compliments, etc.) I can remember wanting to be a boy from around 5 or 6 years old. For some reason I thought that boys got to do fun stuff, while girls had to be prissy with scratchy, crimilin slips (not sure of correct spelling. And yes, I know I'm dating myself); I was not taught how to set goals; how to win or how to lose; I was not taught how to take risks. I have nicknamed myself, "Scaredy Cat Pat". But God did not give me that name. In fact, my name, Patricia Michele, is the name that I, now believe God gave my parents for me. But, for most of my life, I rejected that name. For a long time I didn't like the name Patricia, but, a few years ago I found out that my name means: regal, noble (some of the words that regal means are: imperial, majestic, royal, gentle) (I do like it a little bit more, now) and Michele (I have always liked my middle name, but for the wrong reason, it means "Michael" in French) means: who is like God . So, I am Patricia Michele - one who is regal and noble and like God.

I guess, I'm growing up into my name. I don't believe that it is a coincidence that just last Sunday, my Pastor noted in his sermon about the importance of names and their meanings and how Isaac and Rebekah named their twin sons, Esau (which means "hairy") and Jacob (which means one who grasps the heel, deceiver). God changed Jacob's name to Israel (which means may God reign). And God is growing me up into my true name. God is truly the one who justifies! I don't know, but, some day, I may even want to be called Patricia or even Michele instead of Pat!

Wanted to post the Regeneration website. Regeneration is the Ministry who is doing the Living Waters Program in the Washington, DC Metropolitan Area.

Tagged By The Four Things Meme

2006-02-14T14:08:00.000-05:00

This Four Things Meme has been floating around the blogosphere. I just got "tagged" by Heather Zempel, my Pastor of Discipleship. Some of this stuff I had to think about, but here's what I've come up with:

Four Jobs I've Had:
Sales Clerk
Clerk Typist
Secretary
Economic Assistant

Four Movies I Can Watch Over and Over:
My Man Godfrey
The Three Musketeers
The Princess Diarys
Band of Gold

Four Places I've Lived:
Washington, DC
Frankfurt Germany
Silver Spring, MD
Forestville, MD

Four Shows I Like to Watch:
7th Heaven
Extreme Makeover Home Edition
The Apprentice
American Idol

Four Foods That I Like:
Pineapple
Popcorn
Cheesecake
Yogurt

Four Websites I Visit Daily:
http://www.evotional.com/
http://www.discipleshipgroups.com/
http://www.zonegathering.com/
http://www.christianity.com/

Four Things I Want to Do Before I Die:
Skydive
Get my pilot's license
Take a month off and just fly
Get my motorcyle license

Four People I'm Tagging:
Tim Elzea
Dave Clark
David Russell
Ryan Zempel

Practicing the Spiritual Disciplines

2006-02-07T11:29:00.000-05:00

Our group started up again, last night. We had 4 newcomers! Welcome to Larry, Daniele, Bob and Amber! Heather Davis did an outstanding teaching on Slowing down...which is a prelude to Silence and Solitude.

Heather will be posting what she taught and the Scriptures she used soon. Stay tuned! I will, however, share what our focus verse is this week: Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God."

We were commissioned to fast anything that may hinder us from slowing down this next week. I will be fasting TV, once again. Normally, TV would not be a problem, but for me, it stops me from being able to get up in the mornings without feeling as though I am rushed. I guess I should explain. I have to be at work by 6:30 a.m. so, I, usually get up between 3:45 a.m. and 4 a.m. so that I can have a quiet time with the Lord, and therefore, I try to be in the bed, sleep (or at least on my way to sleep) by no later than 8:30 p.m. Lately, I have been watching TV to around 11:00 p.m. which makes it almost impossible for me to get up. And so, I sometimes feel rushed and have even missed my bus. So it will be off with the TV for a while!

Have You Ever Been Alone With God? Part 2

2006-01-13T08:29:00.000-05:00

Today, Oswald Chambers talks about, His Solitude with Us. He talks about how God gets us alone...by affliction, heartbreak, or temptation, by disappointment, sickness, or by thwarted affection, by a broken friendship, or by a new friendship--What drives you to God? Sometimes the only way that God can get any time alone with us is by allowing what we think are bad things to happen to us because He knows that when these things happen, that we will turn to Him.

Chambers goes on to say that when God gets us absolutely alone, we are dumbfounded, and cannot ask one question, then He (God) begins to expound. God desires for us to spend time with Him, quality time. Time when it's not always us talking, asking for stuff. Time just enjoy Him and He you. Time not thinking about anything other than God. I wonder if when God and Adam walked in the Garden of Eden in the cool of the evening, if at times they were content to just to be in each other's presence without talking, but they knew the other's heart? I believe that it is in these times of Silence and Solitude that we learn to hear God speak to us more clearly, more intimately. I believe that it is in these times of Silence & Solitude that God can and will do His best work of healing, molding, shaping, transforming us into the image of His Son.

Have You Ever Been Alone With God?

2006-01-13T07:43:00.000-05:00

Yesterday's and today's "My Utmost For His Highest" are key to practicing Silence & Solitude and the rest of the Prayer disciplines (contemplative, listening, etc.), the title for both is Have You Ever Been Alone With God? Yesterday's was about Our Solitude with Him, and it talks about how Jesus takes us alone and expounds only on the things when we can understand them and how God is making us spell out our own souls. That tells me that I should not be comparing myself with how my brother or sister is doing, but should be focusing on what God is doing in me. To back this up, Oswald says that this expounding is slow work, so slow that it takes God all time and eternity to make a man and woman after His own purpose. It is a slow and sometimes painful process. This reminds me of the times when Jesus asked His disciples, "are you yet without understanding?" as He did in Matthew 15:16.

Chambers tells us that we have to allow God to take us through all the crooks and crannies of our character. I wonder if my crooks and crannies are like a maze. He tells us that we don't know all there is to know about ourselves and that we need to give up the idea that we understand ourselves. God is the only One who truly understands us. I must admit that I have tried to understand me and found that I don't. Last night, I heard something that was key...we, or rather I desire to be God, desire to be the Creator and not the creature. For me, this is all about intellect and wanting and trying to know everything. Which is the same sin of Lucifer.

Last year, I heard God tell me that He wanted me to teach to learn. For a while I didn't know what that meant, and still only have a small taste of what it means. You have to know that I love to read books and I love studying the Bible! But, it was for the wrong reasons...to obtain knowledge. Obtaining knowledge in itself isn't wrong, but, if it doesn't bring life to me, then I do not need to obtain it. Again, last night, someone said something that really made me sit up and take notice...they said (actually it was part of a prayer) that God is not interested in right and wrong, but in life and death. I can now see how all my studying of the Bible and reading of books didn't bring me life, because I was only getting knowledge and not applying what I was learning. So, I believe that part of what God meant when He told me to teach to learn is to teach from out of my life experience, not from a book. That, for me, is difficult because it makes me have to really study...me...my life...it makes me really have to get in a mode of listening to God...it makes me have to depend more on God, than on what I have obtained through just my knowledge.

Sunday, my Pastor mentioned this book by Frederick Buechner: Listening To Your Life. Spiritual Disciplines help me to listen to my life...the life that God has given me in Him.

A Selah Moment

2006-01-06T13:32:00.001-05:00

We will soon be learning about and practicing the disciplines of Silence and Solitude, so I thought that this would be a good place to put this.

I just read "My Utmost For His Highest". It's about the disciplines, Worship, Silence and Solitude. It's about finding a quiet place away from the crowds, away from the world, to worship our God. Sometimes, worship for me is just sitting in complete silence (quieting my mind, my emotions, and my heart), sitting in complete solitude (with no else around and no distractions) in God's presence, just enjoying Him. Not talking to Him, not asking for anything, but just being with Him.

A good friend of mind has told me more than once that the mark of a good friendship is when you can be with another person and not feel pressure to talk to each other and you still enjoy each other's company even if you're not talking. Now, at those times, she was talking about human to human, however, I'm talking about Spirit to spirit, God to human, human to God. And I think this is more than the mark of a good friendship, I believe that this may be the mark of a God friendship! Selah (Pause and calmly think about that!)

Happy new year

2006-01-02T12:13:00.000-05:00

happy new year to all.
May the Lord bless you throughout 2006. I hope and pray that it will be a fruitful year for all of us, that we will grow and be closer to our Lord.
The second spiritual discipline we will be practizing is " prayer and confession". I thing it might be a good idea that we all participate in the prayer week in preparation for that discipline. what do you think?

We will morphe indeed!

2005-12-26T18:11:00.000-05:00

On January 9, 2006, the Spiritual Disciplines Small Group at National Community Church (NCC) will start practicing Silence and Solitude. Heather Davis will presenting these disciplines and we will learn, the what, why, and how of them. We will blog about each discipline and this will be a place that we can come and discuss each discipline in depth. We will discuss practicing, problems, solutions, etc. Then we will practice some more! Practice makes perfect!

Just a little background: We actually began our small group in July 2005; we are currently doing John Ortberg's Video curriculum: "The Life You've Always Wanted," and reading Chip Ingram's book, "Holy Transformation".

We will be meeting every other Monday from 7:00 p.m. - 8:30 p.m. So we will try to post what we are learning by the following Wednesday.